The Roles We Are Given in Toxic Systems

Now, not all survivors of narcissistic abuse originated from narcissistic family systems where roles are often clear from a young age. Maybe you are co-parenting with a narcissistic person and can witness the family roles that are shaping up for your own children, maybe you work for a toxic organization or have a toxic boss and can see the roles that different people in the workplace fall into. For many survivors, this is a lifelong legacy issue, and if you are from a narcissistic/antagonistic family system, then you had a role. These roles are a complex issue – they are often a role you were placed in by the antagonistic people in the system (family, workplace, friend or social group), they may serve a safety function (attachment needs, avoiding rage and wrath, feeling protected), and they may shift based on new people coming in or out of the system. This is a month for reflecting on the roles you have found yourself in while in any form of narcissistic system, how it may have changed or varied in different systems, and how these role(s) affect you today. By becoming more conscious of these roles, you can mindfully push back on being defined by this role and falling into familiar but unhealthy patterns. As this year comes to an end, it’s time for you to stop accepting the roles a toxic system wants for you.