Month Overview - November 2024

Continuum Month:  Mild, Moderate, Severe

For some people the aha moment when it came to narcissism is that this is not an either-or, nor is it a diagnosis.  It’s not as simple as whether a person is narcissistic, or they are not.  On top of that – this personality/pattern call it what you will – ranges in terms of severity – from mild to VERY severe – and this becomes tricky – those of you in milder relationships may hear a story of coercive control and think “I can’t complain – this is nothing compared to that” – remember – it’s not a pain competition.  Because at the same time folks in very severe narcissistic relationships will say – maybe I am reading this wrong because this is a whole other level and I am the one who is wrong.  

And then this also relates to how severely the relationship affects you and that is not as simple as – well, they are a mild narcissist so it’s mild fallout.  Not necessarily – it relates to how often you see this person, what other supports you have, the levels of betrayal, how interdependent this relationship is (e.g., marriages and long term committed relationships may be more interdependent than a relationship with a toxic boss, a relationship with a parent you have daily caregiving responsibilities for may feel more interdependent than the relationship with a toxic sibling), For example you may be in a relationship with a deeply immature, validation seeking narcissist, who is always on social media and sliding into people’s DMs but isn’t a major gaslighter, manipulator, deliberately cruel, or even a rager -but no matter how many times you tell them that their digital flirtations are hurting you – they don’t stop – that can accumulate into some pretty significant fallout -but yet their narcissistic patterns would clock as mild. So this continuum issue is not a simple one -and since most of us don’t have just one of these relationships -we also talk about sort of doing a narcissism tour of your life and determining the varying severities of the folks you have to deal with.  

This month was inspired by you – the questions I see coming into the Q & A – both the ones you write in ahead of time and the ones you write in during the actual Q & A, and even the things you post in the community platform – I recognize that there is a wide range of experiences, and I have no doubt that even in this healing space it confuses you – hopefully this month un-confuses you.   Because that is what this program is about – clarity – so you can see your authentic self more clearly after years of having to silence it!