How do I get past the “bad things” I did when I was in this relationship?

Narcissistic relationships are strange, it takes a while to see the patterns, but there is a remarkable resilience that we often experience and reveal to ourselves through our experience in these relationships. However, most of us also look back and recognize that we were NOT at our best in this relationship.  There is also the perception that we did bad things, or didn’t do things right, or we were told we did bad things wrong that actually were not -so it gets VERY confusing.    That said – so many survivors look back at their time in the narcissistic relationship, and once they start “getting it” – will say yep – the relationship was clearly narcissistic, however, when I didn’t get it – I was getting into the mud with them, sometimes saying things I regret, or behaving in ways I regret. Or other people were telling me I was behaving badly. 

This month is a walk through a very uncomfortable but important topic AND an attempt to disentangle all of this self-blame, confusion, self-shaming, regret that can hold people back from healing or leave you stuck in the subjugated and invalidating system of the narcissistic relationship or family even when you are out of it.