March 2025: 

Accommodation, Acculturation, Assimilation, and Adaptability (AAAA) Month

Month Description:

Some of you will know exactly what is meant by acculturation and assimilation because you moved to a new culture at some point in your life and you had to adjust to it – language, food, currency, how things are done, customs, socializing – everything.  The younger we are when acculturation and assimilation happen – it can be a little easier, but it is always a challenge.   These processes are not the same thing – acculturation is when two cultures come together – you hold on to aspects of your original culture and learn about and even take on some of the traditions of the new one.  Assimilation is a different animal - assimilation is when you HAVE to fully take on the new culture, and give up on your old one (for example a person who may have dressed in a specific way in their culture of origin has to give that up and wears the clothing of the new culture).  And then there is accommodation – that often is what happens in a relationship (and always has to happen in a narcissistic relationship) – it only works when we accommodate -and that fits into these larger issues of acculturating and assimilating. 

What does this have to do with understanding how we are affected by narcissism?  A lot.  This month we are going to learn how narcissistic relationships of all kinds have a certain “culture” – there is the culture of the narcissistic family system, a narcissistic intimate relationship, a narcissistic workplace, a friend group, or any other kind of group.   At the extreme we could even see the culture of a cult (which we will be talking about this month).  And most folks, especially in more intense relationship systems like intimate relationships or family relationships – you have no choice but to assimilate and take on the “customs” of the narcissistic culture if you are going to survive.  This month we will talk about how we assimilated, maybe think about stepping down to just acculturating, and if we are lucky – be able to “move out” of the culture.  So much of the shame, self-blame, moral injury, sense of complicity, and even the concept of “narcissistic fleas” comes from this idea that I have taken on this culture, or I had to in order to survive – so let’s talk about this narcissistic culture we had to survive in.